Wednesday afternoon was blue-skied and I felt adventurous, so I drove down to Boston to stroll the galleries (and shoot pictures of strangers) at the Museum of Fine Arts. As I entered the museum, I felt the hint of a scratchy tickle in my throat…and by the time I’d arrived back home in New Hampshire on Wednesday night, that “scratchy” throat had blossomed into “sore” throat.
Today is my birthday, and I’m still fighting the lingering effects of Wednesday’s sore throat turned head cold. Whereas last year Mother Nature provided a lovely blanket of snow for my birthday, today is rainy and gray. I’m feeling more than a bit melancholy about today’s occasion: it all seems very anticlimactic with the grim realization that I’m 38 and still have no idea what I want to do with my life. As I reasoned in last year’s birthday post, “Thirty-five marked the year I finished my doctorate and got divorced; thirty-six was the year I learned to see myself as Dr. DiSabato, not Mrs. Schaub.” Last year, I hoped 37 would be simply normal, “‘Just’ another year of Life As Lorianne.”
This year, I have no idea what I want from Year 38…although I have some clear ideas what I don’t want to do with the Rest of My Life, I have no clear ideas what I do want. How do you proceed with the First (Birth)Day of the Rest of Your Life when you don’t know exactly what you want?
Undaunted by rain and a head cold, this afternoon I’ll drive down to Massachusetts to share dinner and drinks with the same girlfriends who cheered my birthday last year. Although Year 38 is so far feeling woefully anticlimactic, I still have hope that margaritas can be medicinal.
Jan 6, 2007 at 8:26 am
Happy birthday from a 45-year-old who still doesn’t know what she wants to be when she grows up …
Hope the margaritas helped …
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Jan 6, 2007 at 8:46 am
Happy Birthday. You’ve achieved, continued, and now find out what you want. I’ve found myself feeling the same way recently. I always found, “what do I want?” a hard question to answer because it always has the counter question, “is what I want the right thing?”
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Jan 6, 2007 at 9:53 am
Even if you don’t know what it is you want from the year exactly, I wish you every good thing this year. Happy Birthday!
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Jan 6, 2007 at 11:26 am
Happy birthday. You were so close to me, I could’ve reached out and sang you Happy Birthday! I walk by that guy every day.
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Jan 6, 2007 at 11:48 am
Happy Birthday, Lorianne. The best is yet to come. Life really does begin at 40!
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Jan 6, 2007 at 1:19 pm
Happy Birthday, Lorianne! Have a wonderful day and a fun time with your friends. Take it from this 41-year-old, don’t ever stop looking for what you want. I went back to school full-time when I was 35, earned a BA in English and am four credits away from an MA. Don’t know what I’ll do with an MA, but it’s a personal goal. Someday I’ll complete my thesis. I still don’t know what I want to do, but I’m having a good time on the journey.
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Jan 6, 2007 at 3:16 pm
¡Feliz Cumpleaños!
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Jan 6, 2007 at 7:22 pm
Happy Birthday, Lorianne. And hey, don’t worry – like Liz, I still don’t know what i want from life either, and i turn 41 next month.
O.K., worry.
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Jan 6, 2007 at 7:27 pm
Happy birthday! I have no words of wisdom to offer about wanting, but here’s to finding.
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Jan 6, 2007 at 9:15 pm
We can all do whatever it is we want, the trick is knowing what we want.
Happy Birthday, cheer up you could be my age!
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Jan 6, 2007 at 11:18 pm
38! You seem so wise, I never knew I was older than you 🙂 (I’ll be FORTY next month!)
you wrote:
“How do you proceed with the First (Birth)Day of the Rest of Your Life when you don’t know exactly what you want?”
Is this a koan? 😉
I think you know the answer to this one…which is, in no particular order: inhale, exhale…repeat.
Wishing you a year of joy, presence, and discovery.
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Jan 7, 2007 at 6:33 am
Happy Birthday, Lorianne!
I’m approaching 60 and I still don’t know what I want to do with my life! I do know it is somehow about the journey, not about the actual accomplishments. I have learned to live more in the present, with a little help from blogs like yours Lorianne.The future my never come. Not a bad thing. Celebrate!
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Jan 7, 2007 at 10:34 am
Happy belated birthday! You are ten years younger than me, so you’re still young. Have fun and be free and spontanteous, using your intuition as you explore ‘what you want’.
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Jan 7, 2007 at 6:00 pm
Happy birthday even if I’m a bit late. I’m about to turn 48, and still figuring all that out. What do you do with the first birthday of the rest of your life? I’ve heard that every question contains its answer, so you must already know. You just don’t know you know. If you could put it in words, where would the mystery and fun be then?
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Jan 7, 2007 at 6:18 pm
Thirty eight. Thirty Eight!? That’s barely out of high school.
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Jan 7, 2007 at 8:30 pm
Happy (late) birthday! Can’t give you any pearls of wisdom about life, except to say that next time you feel that tickle in your throat, take Cold-Eeze. It works!
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Jan 8, 2007 at 8:26 am
Hope it’s not too late to say Happy Birthday!
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Jan 8, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Sorry your birthday felt anticlimactic, and that I missed it! I hope it turned out a happy day, and that the next year brings you much that is joyous and satisfying. Knowing what you want: I don’t know – sometimes easy and sometimes hard. And, as you know as well as anyone I can think of, just being with the unknowing is what it’s all about for much of the time…
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Jan 8, 2007 at 3:02 pm
A Very Happy Birthday Lorianne!
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Jan 9, 2007 at 6:12 am
That was me above Sonia. I don’t know why my name didn’t come out.
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Jan 9, 2007 at 8:55 am
So sorry I missed your birth date, Lorianne, but you have my very warm good wishes anyway. Take it from one who has stopped counting birthdays and is proud to deny time’s reality: the best age to be is the age when one hasn’t decided what to be. Keep the door open to any possibility, forever.
xxx
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Jan 9, 2007 at 11:15 am
I don’t want to depress you even more but wouldn’t this be year 39?
I wanted to stop the clock in my 40’s but IMHO life is sweeter after 50 and has a new depth. I shall be 57 this year.
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Jan 9, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Happy Birthday, two days before my son’s!! I hope you feel better. Everyone is sick around here. I’m hoping the flu shot I got this year will help me stay healthy.
Happy New Year, too!
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Jan 10, 2007 at 2:45 am
If you just turned 38, my child, you’ve begun your 39th year.
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Jan 10, 2007 at 6:58 am
Thanks for the birthday wishes both timely & belated. I think once I get back to working on the BOOK I’m revising, I’ll find my way back to a sense of purpose. (Goal: to have something published, even self-published, by the time I’m 40.)
Re. the “39th year” thing… You’ll notice I said “Year 38” rather than “38th year.” “Year 38” is my personal shorthand for “the year in which I’m 38 years old.” Yes, technically this is my 39th year on the planet…but for my own personal, time-keeping purposes, I “name” years according to how old I was then. It’s not mathematically precise, but it’s how I do it.
If I might paraphrase an apt song for the occasion: “It’s my birthday; I can LIE if I want to…” 🙂
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Jan 12, 2007 at 9:45 am
Happy belated birthday, Lorianne. Here’s to a year of things you didn’t even know you wanted falling unexpectedly into your lap and leaking joy all over the floor in great, shiny puddles.
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Jan 13, 2007 at 2:12 pm
Happy belated birthday! I wish you many margaritas and clever ideas and great photos in 2007.
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