When I was going through the most trying and tenuous days of my divorce, I adopted Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing” as my unofficial theme song. I’m not a particular Elton John fan, and “I’m Still Standing” isn’t even one of my favorite songs of his. But I liked the bold, defiant imagery of the title: I’m still standing. Hearing that title, I envisioned Sylvester Stallone in the Rocky movies or Uma Thurman in Kill Bill: characters who were repeatedly bruised, bloodied, and beaten but somehow managed to find their feet. As we Zennies like to say, “Fall down six times, get up seven.”
In the days (and now years) after my divorce, “I’m still standing” continues to be a personal mantra of sorts. At the height of any busy semester, when colleagues greet me with the usual “How’s it going,” I often respond with that bare-bones fact: “I’m still standing.” This “still-standing” philosophy reminds me of my Italian grandmother’s typical response to the same question: “I can’t complain.” Even if I’ve gotten four hours of sleep and still have a to-do list the length of my arm, I can’t complain: I’m still standing.
This week has been a proverbial juggling act, with my students at Keene State struggling to decide upon topics for their semester-long research projects, my SNHU Online students struggling to figure out the logistics of a fresh term, and my soon-to-start online literature class for Granite State College needing some last minute tweaks and attention. My mom once summed up motherhood with the observation, “When you’re a mother, someone is always mad at you,” meaning that you can’t please all your children (and your husband, and your mother-in-law, and the neighbors) all of the time. I’m not a mother, but I can say that when you’re an adjunct instructor teaching at three different institutions, someone always needs you. That’s not a bad thing: helping students is my job, so I’m glad to do it. But sometimes the proverbial juggling act leaves you feeling bruised, bloodied, and beaten.
So far, the three-ring circus called Fall Semester is going well: I’m still standing. Or, better yet, I’m still sitting: in the face of all those students with all those needs, I’m still finding spots of calm where I can meditate, write in my journal, walk the dog, or otherwise unplug. I haven’t been around much online, but I’m doing okay offline. I’m still standing, sitting, walking, and writing: in other words, I can’t complain.
Sep 11, 2008 at 7:29 am
Just keep on keepin’ on.
And keep posting.
LikeLike
Sep 11, 2008 at 9:30 am
why do you take on so many jobs?
LikeLike
Sep 12, 2008 at 10:30 am
Yes, “keeping on” is what I do…and so far, this semester hasn’t been too bad. 🙂
As an adjunct, Lorraine, I don’t get benefits, and unlike many of my adjunct colleagues, I don’t have a spouse through whom I’d get health insurance & the like. So I moonlight so I can pay for my own health & disability insurance, both of which I think are important since I’m the sole breadwinner. If I get sick & can’t bring home the bacon, there ain’t no bacon. 😉 I’d also like to retire someday, so without any sort of pension or retirement benefits, I’m left to save money for retirement on my own, which means I can’t afford to live hand-to-mouth during my prime earning years.
Adjunct teaching is also largely unpredictable. Although my teaching job at KSC is fairly stable, no adjunct job is entirely secure: instructors are hired on a semester-by-semester basis, so if a class under-enrolls, you can suddenly find yourself out of work. I’ve had past “close calls” where classes I’d planned to teach were canceled, so it’s good to save up for “lean & hungry” semesters.
LikeLike
Sep 12, 2008 at 9:41 pm
I read your post here, and I realized that I do not have such a song. Maybe I could use My Way by Frank Sinatra. Or Don’t Look Back by Boston. Or You Are the Everything by REM. My Way has a clear message, maybe I should stick to that one. Maybe my problem is that I have too many such songs.
LikeLike
Sep 20, 2008 at 7:56 am
My friend Rabbi Borak always answers the “how are you doing” gambit with, “Never been better.” He says that regardless of how his days are going.
LikeLike