The leaves are already starting to turn in both Newton and Keene, as if the first week of September comes and the chemistry of tree and herb alike immediately changes, switching into shut-down mode. It’s a change that’s been a long time coming, of course–in a sense, all any leaf does with its life is prepare to die, accomplishing as much photosynthesis as it can in the summer sun while somehow sensing in its insentient way that the end is mere months away.
What would you do with your life if you knew you had only three months to live? Leaves spend every ounce of their cellular selves working, toiling at the drudgery of converting air, light, and water into an energy that will outlive them, stored in miserly roots, stems, and fruit. Leaves don’t see this work as drudgery because they don’t see anything at all. Instead of laboring over complaints and resentments, leaves lead the simplest of lives, simply doing their job and then dying without complaint. Not an ounce of energy is wasted fighting or bewailing fate: when the time comes to change, wither, and then fall, leaves simply follow their situation.
Go outside some bright autumn day, or even on a gray moody one, and listen: can you hear it? Can you hear the sound of leaves bemoaning their lot, lamenting the brevity of their days and the pure tedium of their allotted job with all its mindless chemical transpiration? Do you hear the mournful wail of millions as countless leaves succumb to dessication and then die, their anonymous bodies fed as fuel to the fire? No, leaves don’t fight it; leaves don’t fight anything. They are expert in surrender. Leaves recognize the way the wind blows and fall into it, allowing themselves to be carried aloft without care.
Sep 8, 2009 at 11:56 am
Truer words never.
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Sep 8, 2009 at 1:35 pm
I will listen to the leaves differently after reading this. I hope to listen diffently otherwise, too.
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Sep 8, 2009 at 3:56 pm
“What would you do with your life if you knew you had only three months to live?”
It’s a similar question to one we’ve been facing since Mom’s April diagnosis. For us, it’s just “months,” not any specific number of months, but the question remains the same.
Alas, for Mom, with part of her frontal lobe removed after the debulking surgery and other parts of it damaged by the peripheral remnant of that part of the cancer, things like initiative and speculation are no longer live options for her. She herself is no longer truly capable of grasping your question. Ideas, when they form in Mom’s head, are vague and gossamer-frail. It’s a sad thing to witness, and it’s up to the rest of her family to figure out what will keep Mom happy as she declines.
Kevin
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Sep 9, 2009 at 10:51 am
Kevin, I’ve been following your Mom’s condition on your blog. I’ve never known someone with brain cancer, so I can’t completely understand what you’re going through. (I’m sure no one “really” can.) But when my grandmother was failing with Alzheimer’s disease, there was a kind of strange mercy in the fact that she couldn’t really understand (at least as far as we could tell) what was happening to her. As long as she was comfortable in the moment, she didn’t seem capable of processing the concepts of “past” and “future.”
For this reason, I sometimes think that the FAMILY of Alzheimer’s and possibly brain-tumor patients have the harder task. Your Mom, as you note, isn’t fully capable of processing what is happening to her…but you and your family are. That’s a different and in some ways heavier burden for you to carry than what your Mom is dealing with. I hope you remember to take care of yourselves as well as your Mom: ALL of you are walking a tough road.
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Sep 19, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Boy did I need to read this post. I’m going to take one of the many beautiful leaves from my woods into work as a reminder to watch for the way the wind blows and fall into it, allowing myself to be carried aloft without care. 🙂
Thank you.
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